Aubrey Franklin

Do you want to know what the best feeling is? It is never having to worry for one second about your child. Noah has such a great family with amazing parents who put their 100% into parenthood. There hasn't been one single moment this entire time since I placed Noah where I ever had to worry about his health or needs being met or how loved he is. Isn't that something? To know not only are his needs being met but exceeds in a way where I constantly feel at peace. Sometimes when I am alone and I am crying because I miss him so much I think about how I'm so lucky that the only thing I am crying about is missing him. Nothing else. Everything just all feels at peace. On March 15, 2014 Noah Andrew Danielson was sealed in the Gilbert Temple to his parents. My heart feels full. This day made my decision all worth it. 

Half a year, I can't believe it's been half a year since sweet Noah was born into this world. My heart has been shown the most perfect kind of love. I have so much love for that sweet boy. It is so fun to hear all about his milestones and to see him growing up. He has two bottom teeth that came in, and he is now sitting up all on his own. He has the best little belly laugh and is full of smiles. Everytime I see him he looks so much older and I just can't believe how fast time has gone by. He is the best thing to have ever happen to me and my favorite person in the world. I love you Noah.                        

It's been five months post placement and my love just grows stronger for sweet Noah everyday. If that's even possible! I've said this before but the 5th and 6th day of every month are just super hard days for me. I took the day off work today and had a "me" day and it's turned out to be such a great day. I went out to my favorite place for lunch with my best friend, I went to a cute boutique and got some super cute things, plus presents for my family. Shopping always makes me happier but buying things for others just makes me the happiest! Then I took my little puppy ralphie to the riparian preserve and adventured around there. All in all, today was a happy day. And sweet baby Noah is one month older! How can I complain.

Life is really interesting. It's filled with so many ups and down, highs and lows, happy and sad moments. One moment I feel strong and confident that I can get through this, this is just another trial that I can face, and one I will eventually get through. But the next moment I just think to myself, "I am not as strong as I thought. How am I supposed to go on when I feel like I am missing a limb." I look at other birth moms and I sometimes just feel they are so much stronger than me. A birth mom told me something the other day that really stuck out to me. She told me our babies chose to come to this life, and knew what they were to be getting themselves into. Noah chose me to bring him to this world and trusted me to find his family. It instantly brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes I feel like this unimportant machine that was just used to carry and deliver him and place him with his family. But the fact that he chose me and trusted me helps me feel more important. I may ...

4 months ago today sweet Noah was born. The 6th of every month is always a difficult day for me. It always takes me back to the labor and delivery room when Noah was born and all my emotions that went with it. Noah's mother, Bekah, updates her blog weekly. She always has the best pictures and the sweetest things to say about him. A thought that comes to mind again and again is how lucky she is to have the two most precious children. Noah, and his sister Ruby. Those kids really are the lucky ones to have the Danielsons as their family. I just wish I didn't have to feel so heartbroken. It's such a bittersweet feeling to feel so happy yet so heartbroken. Not a day will go by when I don't think of him. I know I'll never "move on" or "get over it", but I will heal and I will be okay in the end. Just because I know he is okay. I hope that boy knows how much I will always love him and what he means to me.

I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a daughter. I am a birth mother. And this is my adoption story. I found out I was pregnant December, 2012. Two days after Christmas. For many years, I was struggling. Struggling with finding happiness. Struggling with who I was and who I wanted to be. Struggling with finding my place with my LDS religion I was born and raised into. Struggling with my own personal battles. I wanted to find happiness, and everywhere I looked I couldn't find my place. I couldn't be around people who "uplifted me" because I felt so guilty of the choices I was making at the time. The people I did surround myself with, only just brought me down. I became this person I wasn't raised to be. This person I didn't even recognize anymore. I was lost, confused, and most of all alone. I went to my mother a couple days before Christmas 2012 and told her I wanted to change. I didn't want to feel this way anymore, and I wanted to find myself again. Whatev...