Aubrey Franklin

Yesterday marked one year since the birth of Noah. As I reflect on this past year, I can't help but to feel so lucky & so grateful.  These are a few things I am grateful for: 1. The atonement. I can't begin to express how much I love the atonement. I was able to have a fresh new start & for that I am so grateful we can be completely forgiven and renew ourselves and come out stronger than ever before.  2. It's hard to put into words just the amount of love I have for Noah & how grateful I am that he came to me at a time I needed him. I truly believe his first mission in life was to be born through me and save me. I am grateful we will always be a part of eachothers lives. 3. The Danielsons. This is another love I can't quite put to justice. It's a bond I've never quite had before. It's just so trusting and filled with so much love for eachother and for Noah. I couldn't be more pleased with my decision to choose them & they...

11 months. Can you believe it? As I reflect on this past year I can't help but get a little teary eyed. I am just so eternally grateful Heavenly Father put so much trust in me at a time I didn't feel any worth. Noah was the answer to so many of our prayers! I just can't believe how much little Noah has grown up. He is growing up to be such a handsome little man and he is the light to all of our lives. I am so grateful to call myself his birth mom and be a part of his and his families lives. I love them all so much. Happy almost one year my little love.

Last weekend for the Fourth of July my friend invited me to go to New Mexico for the weekend with him. He grew up in New Mexico and that's where his family all lives. His mom was getting married that weekend and so since I've never been to New Mexico, had nothing else to do, and I'm always up for adventures I agreed to go and accompany him. I'm so glad I did because we seriously had a blast! We left Thursday and came back Sunday night.   My friends dog had a girlfriend he got pregnant in New Mexico so we went to visit the one day old boston terriers. SO CUTE. I just about died and it was so hard leaving them without stealing one. (Totally kidding)! Daniels little sister and I hit it off right off the bat. She was so cute and fun! Here's her hippy design she made for me. Ha!   We went to the white sands national park with some friends we were staying with and it was the most amazing place. Miles and miles of the whitest ...

Ten months, really? It honestly freaks me out that he's almost going to be a year. I'm mostly freaking out that I don't know how I'm going to handle that year mark. If every month on the 6th gets me emotional and brings a lot of emotions out of me I don't know what the year mark is going to do to me. But it makes me so happy he is growing up happy and healthy. There isn't any words that can quite give my love for this boy any justice but I will say time and time again he is the best thing to ever happen to me and I love him with all of my whole heart. I love how happy he is with his family and I love how his face can brighten the saddest of my days. His bright and smiling face just lifts my spirits and makes me the happiest girl ever. I'm sure anyone who sees him can agree with me on that. Happy 10 months baby boy. I love you Noah. Always & forever.

A couple months ago I contacted a girl I knew was single and pregnant and asked her all about how she was feeling and said if she ever needed to talk I was there. My heart just goes out to anyone I know who is going through an unplanned pregnancy because I know exactly how scary and alone it all feels. She came over one day and we just talked and talked and really hit it off right away. When I asked her what her decision would be she just didn't even want to think about it. I told her I would support her no matter what she chooses for her baby and it needs to 100% be up to her. I think it is so important for that decision to be only up to the birthmom what she chooses would be best for her child. During our visit we talked a lot about my adoption process and my adoption story. I told her how I met the Danielsons and how I knew in my heart they were the ones. Yesterday she told me she decided on adoption and she chose this amazing family. She sent me the adopted mothers blog about h...

I've been loving this summer so far. I am deffinatly a summer girl to the core and I am loving all the summer heat that has come in. I couldn't think of a more perfect state to call home. Well maybe I can, but I am really content with Arizona! A few weeks ago some friends and I drove up to Tucson and went to the Neon Trees concert. It was seriously AMAZING. It was the most fun I've had in such a long time. It was a really spontaneous trip we had planned that day. I texted my friend one morning asking her if she wanted to go work out with me later in the evening and, "exercise frustrations away." (It had been an emotional week) She replied and said, "Let's go to Tucson tonight and dance our frustrations away at the Neon Trees concert instead." So obviously that sounded like a better idea. A group of 5 of us went and let me tell you, Neon Trees is even more amazing live than on the radio. I fell in love with the lead singer, (I'm looking past ...

Today is Fathers Day and I can't help but feel so grateful for these 3 fathers in my life. I lost my father when I was 4 but I have always felt his spirit with me and my family helping us through our different trials in our lives. From the memories I keep with me I know he was such a fun and funny guy. He was always making everyone including me laugh and laugh. He was known as the funny one and he was always a good time. He was so good to my mom and to us and he was definitely a family man. I cannot wait for the day I can be with him again and make new memories! PS-for some reason the picture of my dad holding me as a baby looks disproportioned. I swear his head isn't that long ;) My step dad Steve stepped in to take on the role as our provider and I am so grateful for that. We enjoy going to lake trips together as a family on his boat, playing games, and watching movies. I am so grateful for him providing for our family and caring for us. Tyler is my son Noah's dad a...

Nine months, seriously!? He has officially been out in this world as long as he was growing inside of me and I just can't believe how amazing he is. He exceeds perfection in every way possible for me and he will forever and always have my whole heart. Every time I see a picture of him or go over for a visit I can't believe how grown up he is. He has this mouth full of teeth already, crawling, and is just becoming this little miniature adult with this sweetest personality. This boy is constantly going through my mind wondering what he's thinking about and what he's doing. Not a day has gone by these past 9 months that I don't look back at my "Noah album" in my phone and just go through all his sweet pictures grinning from ear to ear. Maybe I'm just creepy I don't know. But I love it. I love who I created and I love who the Danielsons are continuing to create. Happy 9 months sweet Noah. Your family loves you, both sides.                   ...

This boy is my world. Sometimes I think I might just explode I love him so much. How is it possible to love someone so much?! I think over and over again that I would do ANYTHING for him. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I was so strong at the hospital driving away from him. Or signing the papers for someone else to take my place because I wasn't enough. How did I not just change my mind last second and keep him all for myself. And then I just look at a picture of him and think, "Oh yes, I remember how I was so strong. I know how I found the strength to do what I did." Just look at him and tell me he doesn't deserve the absolute best. It is the hardest thing in the world and my heart is broken in a way I don't know could ever be healed, but seeing this happy face with his amazing family makes my broken heart so worth it. I would make that choice a million more times for him.

Today is a great day. Today is a day where I reflect on my brave, loving, and selfless decision and able to take pride in the fact that I am a birth mother. I spent the evening shopping in Dana Park with my beautiful mom telling her to pick out anything she liked. Then we went to kneaders and got some soup (due to my wisdom teeth its all I can eat), and then accidently going through the Jack in The Box drive through because my mom thought it was kneaders. Ha! You know you're getting old when.... It's okay, at least I got an oreo shake. So it was worth it. It was really a good day. I once read a birth mothers blog. In it, she wrote that her childs adopted mother would write things on her facebook wall that would hurt her such as, "Any woman can just give birth, but it takes a real  mother to raise her child." And I thought about that. I thought about the word real.  She was right in the sense that giving birth does not make someone a real mother. It certainly doesn...

The other day I was driving home from work and I was thinking about what I was going to talk about on my blog today. I planned to add that I have been doing so  good and I don't feel "sad" anymore, but SO much happiness because after all it was all for him and he has everything I could have ever wanted for him. And then last night hit me. I was just laying in my bed, not able to sleep, and just staring at the clock watching it go from 1:15 am all the way to 1:34 am which was the time he was born. My mind was on automatic replaying every detail of Noahs birth and delivery, and at 1:34 am I think to myself "He's here!!!" And then I look around my empty room and look down at my empty arms. And then I was just overcome by so much emotion and sadness. I know, so dramatic right? Lately I've been thinking, "I shouldn't get sad, that's so selfish if I get sad. Its only thinking about ME." But today I realize it is OKAY to be sad sometimes.  I...

I'm just having my moment right now. I don't know if I should blame it on a bad day, hormones, or just my adoption opinionated mind but I need a moment to vent. I just watched one of the saddest movies I have ever seen. Let me just take a moment to briefly give a summary of what I just watched. The movie started out with me crying off the bat. The opening was a 16 year old girl crying out in pain and agony delivering a baby girl. It instantly took me back to the hospital of all the pain I went through for Noahs birth. (Pain I would go through again in a heart beat for him) The father of the baby left the mother and her newborn at the hospital for this new teen mom to raise her baby by herself. The movie went on with the teen mom blaming her newborn for ruining her life and selfishly not taking care of her the way she should be. There was constant screaming in the house between the teen mom and her mother and all I could feel was so much sadness and pain for this little newborn ...

Dear _______,                I’ve been thinking a lot abut you lately. Wondering what you’re up to, what you're doing right this very second. Will I just know you're the one, or will it take some time to warm up to each other? Have I met you yet? Are you as excited as I am to spend the rest of eternity together only wanting to bring each other happiness? I don’t know about you, but I am so  excited to spend the rest of eternity with you! I can hardly wait to wake up to you every morning no matter where we are and just feel “home”.   I hope you will always know how much I love you and when you're having a bad day I will be there for you to bring you peace and comfort. I think a lot about how you're going to handle my past. You must be someone who really understands the atonement and that is what I love most about you. You don’t love me despite me already have had a child but you love me because of my story. You recognize that althoug...

Oh my goodness, Noah is 7 months old today! Time is going so fast, but I absolute love seeing how much he has grown up. I feel so thankful for the Danielsons for letting me be a part of his life. I truly am so happy we found eachother. Turns out I needed them as much as they needed me. We have blessed eachothers lives in a way no one on earth will be able to. We have given eachother the greatest joys in the world. That is why I love adoption so much. It truly is amazing. Noah is such a special and sweet little boy. His sweetness just radiates off of him. He is perfection in my eyes! I know that no matter what, my love will never diminish even in the slightest amount. I only want the absolute best for him, and I feel so grateful and happy that he has that! He couldn't be happier in his home and with his family and that brings my heart so  much joy. He is officially sitting up, eating food, and has a couple teeth. It's so amazing to see him becoming this little person who is abl...

Yesterday marked the 17th year my family lost my dad, grandpa, and cousin in a plane accident. There isn't a day I don't think about my dad and wish so many things were different. But then, at the same time, I know his mission here on earth was complete and he has so much more work to do in heaven. I've always felt my dad has always been with me and he is my guardian angel. I truly believe my dad helped me make my decision to place Noah. I like to believe my dad was teaching and preparing Noah to come to this earth and telling him all about me and my love for him. My biggest fear is Noah ever feeling like I abandoned him or didn't want him or love him. But I honestly feel my dad helped him prepare and they were watching over me together to help me place Noah with his family. My dad is such an amazing man. He passed a week before my 4th birthday, but I still remember moments we've had together. And I am so grateful for the memories I do have. I am looking forward to ...